So much for MY plans.

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Well, happy 1st birthday to our first born son, Micah Zane Byrd.  I had the perfect morning planned out for him; you know since he's one and he'll remember all this.  I was going to have a balloon tied to his rocking horse, and sit his little "Scout"  Leap Frog toy on the table as well as his birthday cards so he could see them when he woke up in the morning . All of my perfect plans went down the drain starting yesterday.

We noticed water coming through the floor of our townhouse and Eli called the facilities management on his way to work. They quickly sent over some guys to take a look. This turned into being out of the house for the afternoon while the guys ripped up the floors and the carpet to begin fixing what was soaked  I am to be out of the house until Thursday. They are estimating we will be out of the house until Thursday.

Thankfully, they have an emergency house available for situations like this. Perfect, I thought . All I need to do is pack up everything and go. Anyone who has ever traveled with a child knows how much stuff has to go on the adventure. Not knowing how long exactly will be out of the house, I thought I'll just get things for the night. Pack 'n play, sound machine, pajamas, etc. etc., etc.  Thankfully a neighbor was able to watch Micah while I carted everything over to the new spot. I got the bed set up everything ready for what I was expecting to be a terrible night sleep. Who sleeps great away from their own bed? Not me and apparently my son does not either. When Eli got home from work at midnight, we made the decision to head back over to our wet house and sleep there. Micah's room was not damaged in any way, so we knew he would sleep well and that's all that matters at that point.

So, this morning my great plans and set up for his birthday did not happen, however his first day of Tumble Baby did (blurry flip phone pictures below). As well as his big boy car seat.  And we still got to see our little guy have fun despite the craziness that's going on. 

As they continue to work on the house, we'll spend our days in the guest apartment and our evenings at our house. We're praising God for so many things at this moment. Here are just two:

1. Micah's life.  We are so blessed to be his parents. My prayer is that he grows up to be a man of God.
2. We are thankful for the time Eli spent at his job at FCB.  We have formed a lot of relationships with the guys and their families at his job, and we are so blessed by them. We are so excited as Eli was offered a position at Southeastern and will be starting next week.

God is still faithful. He does have a plan. Sometimes it is so hard to sit back and trust Him, but in the end He has it all worked out and I'm so glad.

Micah and his coach on the balance beam.

Look at me, mama!!

Micah's debut photo

6 months

Remarkably and Wonderfully Made

A Mother's Perspective.

Psalms 139:14 HCSB
"I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made.   Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well."

Back in May, we found out that we were expecting our second child.  Fear and Joy flooded our hearts with the thought of Micah having a brother or sister in January 2015!  We both knew this would be another opportunity for us to completely rely on God's provision as we do this daily now. 

On Saturday,  July 26th, my body began to show signs of miscarriage.  I discounted it at first but eventually called my midwife and she wanted me to come in the next morning.  After she examined me, she couldn't find the heartbeat and set up an appointment for an ultra sound.  Monday morning, we went and heard what we feared, our baby had stopped growing at some point between 9 and 13 weeks.

On Wednesday, July 30th, I delivered the earthly body of  our daugher, Zoe Charis Byrd.  Her body that was "remarkably and wonderfully made".

God prepared me on Saturday for what happened.  He quieted my heart and allowed me to deliver this child knowing that her body will never walk on this earth, but would pass right on into His arms.  I find joy in this.  Somehow.

I never thought I would have to go through something like this.  This doesn't happen to my family.  We have babies.  I have many sisters who have babies, I have nieces and nephews.  We have babies.  I did have a baby. 

This allow me to ask questions and search my heart.  For example, two of the little girls in my neighborhood were talking about how they would see Zoe and Hope (a friend's baby girl) when they get to heaven.  Such child-like faith. I know that she will be in heaven, but what about playing with Micah?  Tap dancing on the fireplace slate?  Family dinners?  Playing school, library, store, nail salon, etc.?  What about meeting her husband?  Getting married and having children of her own?  Aren't those things great??  

1 Corinthians 2:9 NIV
"However, as it is written: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived” — the things God has prepared for those who love him—"

What we think is great on this earth, will be nothing in comparison to what God has prepared.  Thank you, Zoe, for teaching me this.  I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this.

This is just the beginning.  I can only imagine how Zoe will be used to teach us and others.  We are healing.  We are learning. We have been touched by our friends and family.   We feel the prayers and know our Father hears them. Thank you.

How about you?  Have you placed your trust and faith in Jesus?  Do you believe?  He loves you.  He cares for you.  He has plans for you.  Just silence yourself and listen.

While Paul was in prison, one of the jailers asked how to be saved...
Acts 16:30-31 NIV
"He then brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”   They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.”

YOU, my friend, are "remarkably and wonderfully made"  by God.  I encourage you to trust and believe Him today.

 
A Father's Perspective.

 Experiencing the pregnancy and miscarriage was loaded with mixed emotions. When hearing the great news, I was excited and filled with joy, we would have another blessing from the Lord and Micah would have a sibling to play with. Then I began to think about the financial burden this would be to raise these children, but God has provided for us plenty of times and this would be nothing different. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, so this would not exceed His wealth at all. The thought of having a baby girl softened my heart in many ways; Julie would have a little sweet pea that she could get her manicures and pedicures with, I would have a precious daughter to protect and show what love is, Micah would be able to care for his baby sister and toughen up.

 

 Then there was blood... From my understanding could be a common thing, so I was not troubled. It was not until I saw my precious daughter Zoe on the ultra  sound screen that I knew she would not be held by anyone, play with anyone, nor experience this world at all (not a completely bad thing). She looked rested on her side at ease and in peace. I could not tell Julie initially, because I did not know if she could handle that information. Even with all of this, I was able to grasp the situation. It was not until Zoe had to be delivered did I realize that my heart was in a turmoil. It just got real and it hurt very bad, but God knew.

 

 Questioning God's reasons for doing this happened every day and once we shared our story with friends and family, it became clear. Zoe's purpose, as is all of ours, is  to bring God glory. Without speaking to a person nor looking them in the eye, she was able to do just that. We on the other hand, can speak and engage other people. We can eat, move and have our being. We can proclaim the greatness of Yahweh to every nation, tribe and tongue. Then I realized that through this situation, my faith in God cannot just be talked alone, but must be lived out so that all can see the good works and glorify my Father in heaven. The apostle James said that he would show you his faith by his works, not just by his faith, because without works his faith is dead. So, I ask you, not just with this loss of our daughter, but the loss of anyone, does your life truly reflect the faith that you proclaim in Jesus? Are you living out the purpose that He has made for you before you were ever conceived in your mother's womb? If not, it is not to late to repent, meaning to ask Him for forgiveness for not doing so, and turn to following Him. There will come a time that you will not be able to undo or add to your life and my prayer is that you would not wait until then to make the decision to trust Jesus with your life and follow Him.

Our neighbors have become our family since the day we moved to North Carolina. One of the girls made me this bracelet to remember our daughter, Zoe Charis.  Zoe, meaning "life", and Charis, meaning "grace".